A Load of Bull (Two Jokes)

Thank you yet again Roland!

Two Sexy Bulls
    A young and an old bull on a hill in the meadow were standing surveying the landscape around them.
     The young bull spies a herd of heifers and says to the old bull “Look at that herd down there? Let’s run down and make love to a couple of them?
      The old bull looks up and says, “I think we’ll walk down and make love to the lot of ’em?”
Three Questions 
Three nuns that had died within hours of each other all went to heaven at the same time.
At the pearly gates they were met by St Peter. Clustered around the gates was a series of bells and lights. St Peter informed the nuns that he had to ask each of them a question, which had to be answered correctly, before he could let them through.
        St Peter: What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden.
        1st nun: Adam and Eve.
The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
         St Peter: What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree.
         2nd nun: An apple!
The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
         St Peter: What was the first thing Eve said to Adam.
The nun thought long and hard before answering…
         3rd nun:  “Gosh that’s a hard one?
The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates !!!!

End of Shift at Sunrise

So spectacular was the dawn this morning that the men in orange, at the end of their shift, stood in awe of the beauty before them. Barefoot, I crept down to our garden from where I could catch a better shot of them on my mobile camera. One of them turned and glanced my way but I pretended not to notice and scampered back across the grass to the steps. I hope they didn’t think I was a private detective… dressed in pajamas!

Collectors We…

Not many people nowadays will know of the poet William Barnes, one of my ancestors (three generations ahead of my maternal grandfather), unless perhaps you belong to the William Barnes Society; or maybe you frequent English country dances and quite by chance, hear folksingers singing the words of Barnes’ poems put to music (as happened to me once).  Born in 1801, he was a contemporary of Thomas Hardy and could well have become famous as one of England’s greatest poets had he not had a thing about writing in the Dorset dialect. Fluent in many languages, including classical Greek and Latin, my philologist forebear wrote mainly in simple English (without Greek or Latin roots) in order to keep alive the purity of the English language, especially the Dorset dialect… thus ensuring, sadly, that his works have fallen into obscurity.

There has been some discrepancy as to the number of languages that William Barnes studied: I once read in an article that William Barnes was well versed, if not fluent, in seventy-eight languages (although I can no longer find the source); whereas my mother believed the number to be even greater – such is the power of ‘word of mouth’ handed down through one hundred and forty years. I can’t name half that amount. A cursory check on several websites was inconclusive as to the exact figure.

Last night my husband Chris likened me to my famous long-gone relative (no, nothing to do with my nose). You may remember that I’ve become a bit of a vexillologist (a flag collector) of late, since I became intrigued by the little flags that come up on my website stats to indicate the many different countries from whence my visitors hail. At the time I was adding the flags of Greece and Hong Kong to my growing collection…

“Darling, would you believe I now have fifty flags?” I asked gleefully.

“Goodness,” said Chris feigning interest, “soon you’ll have nearly as many flags as William Barnes had languages!”

 

Click on the youtube link below to watch and listen to William Barnes reading one of his poems of rural life.

 

 

William Barnes ‘The Humstrum” Poem animation Dorset dialect

by poetryreincarnations • 3,080 views

Heres a virtual movie of William Barnes (1801 – 1886) Reading one of his rural Dialect poems from his home county of Doset southwest England. The poem was written around 1863

Biography of William Barnes

William Barnes was born at Blackmoor Vale in Dorset, the son of a farmer. He took a Bachelor of Divinity degree on a part-time basis at St. John’s College, Cambridge, and became a clergyman in 1848. The poems he wrote about his birthplace on themes such as love, natural landscape and regional life brought him a lot of public acclaim. But he also had many other interests, especially languages. Apart from the classical languages, he also learned Welsh, Hindustani, Persian, Hebrew and a handful of European languages. His great interest in different kinds of knowledge made him write on different subjects such as mathematics, astronomy and geography. His real talent, however, lay in exploiting his poetic gift in the writing of folklore, thus setting the stage for people like Thomas Hardy.

 

Devonshire Dumplings

“What is a Devonshire (or Devon) dumpling?” you may be asking yourself. It is the name of a pub and restaurant in Torquay, and another pub near Crediton in Mid Devon; also, the name of an online trip adviser; it’s even the name given to a special type of yeasty bun (recipe at end). But none of the aforementioned is what I think of when I hear the term “Devon dumpling”.

I associate it with the Urban Dictionary defintiion:

Devon Dumpling. A member of an ethnic race of subnormal intelligence. A Devonian. “I’m a Devonian born and bred, strong in the arm and thick in the head”

Well, the Urban Dictionary may have taken it a bit far – one might think they were referring to the inhabitants of the Devonian Period in Earth’s history (over 3 million years ago), in which case a true Devonian would have been a fish! However, the latter part of their definition is about right. Of course, a modern Devonian is likely to laugh as he proclaims proudly, “I’m a Devonian born and bred, strong in the arm and thick in the head”, but if you said it first he could well show you the strength of his arm. The term is often used lovingly by newcomers to Devon when they find their Devonshire cousins a tad slow to comprehend something.

For your information, I’m not a Devonshire dumpling (although my dad was born in Devon and I hope I’m still tall enough not to be called dumpy); I’m not any kind of dumpling, hopefully. So why am I writing about Devonshire dumplings?

A little earlier I replied to some of the comments that had come in on my blog. As usual, I removed my email address and had started to write an “S” for Sally when a window dropped down with a choice of names beginning with S. I had to laugh… the third option on the list was “Sue Ett-Dumpling”!

 

 

Devonshire Dumplings

KatieKatie Jamieson

 


Servings:
Makes 12

Ingredients

  • 450g plain flour
  • 15g yeast
  • 275ml warm milk
  • 50g castor sugar
  • 50g butter
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 275ml whipped cream
  • 350g strawberry jam

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Directions

  • 11) Warm a large bowl
  • 22) Melt butter and let cool
  • 33) Stir sugar into warm milk until dissolved
  • 44) Mix yeast in small bowl with 3 tsp sweetened milk, leave in a warm place until it froths (5 mins)
  • 55) Put flour in warm bowl (make well in centre) and sprinkle salt around the edge
  • 66) Pour in yeast, milk and melted butter and mix well into a soft dough
  • 77) Allow to rest for 4-5mins, then knead till soft and elastic. Put back in bowl and cover with damp cloth and glad wrap. Allow to double in size (approx 1h)
  • 88) Heat oven to 220 degrees Celsius
  • 99) Knock down kneading well and cut into 12 pieces
  • 1010) Shape and knead to round buns, place on floured and greased baking sheet. Allow to rise again for 15mins in warm place
  • 1111) Cook in oven for 15-20mins and allow to cool on a rack
  • 1212) Cut buns diagonally (top to bottom) without going all the way through
  • 1313) Spread jam and cream on opposite sides thickly
  • 1414) Dust with icing sugar

The Agony and the Ecstasy (A Joke)

I thought this was funny so I pinched it from Facebook (thanks David!).

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved
forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and
forth, back and forth……..in and out…in and out.
Her heart was pounding…her face was flushed…then she moaned,
softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally
exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted:


“OK, OK! I CAN’T park the blasted car! You do it, you SMUG swine!”

Hand in Glove

One of my lovely nephews (let’s call him Ben) had been having a bit of trouble keeping up with the chores since he left home and had to manage everything on his own; so I offered to go along to his flat and help him put things ship-shape. The night before the appointed day of good-fairy works I received a telephone call…

“Hello Aunty Sally. This is Ben,” he began.

“I haven’t forgotten,” I replied, “I’ll be down in the morning.”

“Well, that’s why I’m phoning. You see, I’ve been thinking, I made the mess so I should be the one to clean it up,” said Ben in a very responsible way that made perfect sense.

“Okay Ben, if you’re sure, but I’m happy to lend a hand or show you how to do things. Just let me know if you need help,” I assured him.

“By the way, Aunty Sally, you know I haven’t done much washing up?”

“I had heard, Ben,” I admitted.

“Well there is a good reason. You know the yellow Marigold gloves kept under the kitchen sink?”

“Yes.”

“They are medium size and don’t fit – I need large ones!”

 

(Incidentally, when I asked Ben if he minded me writing this in my blog he had no objections but, somewhat bewildered, he couldn’t see what was so funny!)

 

Cygne and Sign, et Voila! (Photographs of my Latest Painting)

Yes the swan is in, now all that remains is for me to sign the finished painting of boats (and swan) near the Turf Locks on the Exeter Canal. Très étrange – I don’t know why I’ve come over French all of a sudden!

Posted in Art

One Sunny January Morning in Dawlish (Or Time and Tide)

The sun was out, the sky was blue (not a cloud to spoil the view…) and Chris, Bobbie and I couldn’t resist going for a walk to Coryton Cove at the end of the sea wall, even though Bobbie didn’t have much time before having to catch her train back to London. We weren’t the only ones with the same idea – practically all of the inhabitants of Dawlish (and Devon) were out and about, which made it a rather sociable walk.

Firstly, we met my Aunty Lee, who was returning from Coryton Cove. I hadn’t seen her for months so we had to stop and talk, and explain that Bobbie had a train to catch. Just as we had begun to move on I heard a man behind me.

“Isn’t that Sally?” he asked.

I turned around and saw a couple, familiar to me, but out of their usual environment.

“That is you, Sally – isn’t it?” the lady stepped forward.

“Hello,” I said smiling, “It’s Pat Rowsell – isn’t it?”

“Nearly right, it’s Pam,” she corrected.

“And you are…” as I searched the man’s face the letter ‘C’ came into my head, “you are…Chris!”

“Cyril,” he laughed, “But you had the right letter.”

When last I saw the Rowsells, who still own the hardware store in Woodbury, East Devon, I was younger than Bobbie, our baby of the family.Thank goodness they still recognised me over three decades later! They looked exactly the same except for their grey hair. I would have liked to stay chatting for longer but, conscious of the limited time before Bobbie’s train, we made tracks.

We hadn’t gone far before a pretty young blonde stopped pushing her pram.

“Hello Sally!” she said.

“Hello Olivia,” I kissed her and peeked in the pram.

We all stood around the pram and admired five-month old Louis.

At the age of nine Olivia had become my first private art student; I taught her until she left school and went on to art college. Later she became quite a good sculptor and now she is a mother aswell. Coincidentally, I was thinking about Olivia only yesterday when I saw photographs of Louis on Facebook. And Bobbie and I had chatted about Olivia and the days when I had little art students. Now Bobbie – daughter, accomplished artist and ex-student of mine (no babies yet) – has started to give art lessons. And it’s over thirty years since I saw the Rowsells…

Don’t worry, Bobbie made to the station in plenty of time and will be home by now.

 

And, for your interest, I found this interesting snippet about “Time and Tide” in The Phrase Finder:-


Time and tide wait for no man

Meaning

No one is so powerful that they can stop the march of time.

Origin

The origin is uncertain, although it’s clear that the phrase is ancient and that it predates modern English. The earliest known record is from St. Marher, 1225:

“And te tide and te time þat tu iboren were, schal beon iblescet.”

A version in modern English – “the tide abides for, tarrieth for no man, stays no man, tide nor time tarrieth no man” evolved into the present day version.

time and tide wait for no manThe notion of ‘tide’ being beyond man’s control brings up images of the King Canute story. He demonstrated to his courtiers the limits of a king’s power by failing to make the sea obey his command. That literal interpretation of ‘tide’ in ‘time and tide’ is what is now usually understood, but wasn’t what was meant in the original version of the expression. ‘Tide’ didn’t refer to the contemporary meaning of the word, that is, the rising and falling of the sea, but to a period of time. When this phrase was coined tide meant a season, or a time, or a while. The word is still with us in that sense in ‘good tidings’, which refers to a good event or occasion and whitsuntide, noontide etc.

 

 

The Chicken Wants a Book (A Joke)

Once again, this comes courtesy of Roland…

 

“Book, book, book”, says a chicken walking into a library.

 “Strange,” says the librarian to himself, “this chicken must want a book.”

 Now he doesn’t normally hand out books to chickens but, under normal circumstances he doesn’t get chickens coming in and asking for books. The librarian decides this is an exceptional case and hands the chicken a book from the best-seller category. The chicken takes a cursory glance  at the cover, then accepts the book in its beak; seemingly rather pleased with itself, the chicken struts out the door.

 Several minutes later the chicken comes back into the library.

 “Book, book , book,” it says sheepishly (although it is a chicken, as you know).

 Again the bemused librarian hands over another book, this time in a different genre. The chicken takes the romantic novel and leaves.

 Five minutes pass and, yet again, the chicken walks back  through the door.

 “Book, book, book,” says the chicken, by now quite cock sure.

 “Ah, perhaps you don’t like chick lit,” says the librarian. “I don’t blame you. How about a detective novel?”

 “Book, book,” says the chicken with a nod of the head that made its red comb shake.

 “Try this one,” says the librarian popping an Agatha Christie novel under the bird’s beak.

 But this time the librarian elects to follow the chicken as it goes outside.

He tails the nerdy chicken down the pavement and watches the chicken cross the road. On the other side is a pond. The chicken drops the whodunit onto a lily pad where a big green frog is waiting.

 The frog eagerly accepts the literary offering, looks at it and, as he puts it on the pile he says, “Readit, readit, readit…!”

Artists at Work

Our beautiful daughter Bobbie is home from London for the weekend. Not only is she an up and coming artist but also an art teacher. Her young cousins loved having a lesson with Bobbie this afternoon and they didn’t mind me taking a few photographs. It looks as though there are going to be another couple of artists in the family, or maybe models?

Posted in Art