Hand in Glove

One of my lovely nephews (let’s call him Ben) had been having a bit of trouble keeping up with the chores since he left home and had to manage everything on his own; so I offered to go along to his flat and help him put things ship-shape. The night before the appointed day of good-fairy works I received a telephone call…

“Hello Aunty Sally. This is Ben,” he began.

“I haven’t forgotten,” I replied, “I’ll be down in the morning.”

“Well, that’s why I’m phoning. You see, I’ve been thinking, I made the mess so I should be the one to clean it up,” said Ben in a very responsible way that made perfect sense.

“Okay Ben, if you’re sure, but I’m happy to lend a hand or show you how to do things. Just let me know if you need help,” I assured him.

“By the way, Aunty Sally, you know I haven’t done much washing up?”

“I had heard, Ben,” I admitted.

“Well there is a good reason. You know the yellow Marigold gloves kept under the kitchen sink?”

“Yes.”

“They are medium size and don’t fit – I need large ones!”

 

(Incidentally, when I asked Ben if he minded me writing this in my blog he had no objections but, somewhat bewildered, he couldn’t see what was so funny!)

 

Cygne and Sign, et Voila! (Photographs of my Latest Painting)

Yes the swan is in, now all that remains is for me to sign the finished painting of boats (and swan) near the Turf Locks on the Exeter Canal. Très étrange – I don’t know why I’ve come over French all of a sudden!

Posted in Art

One Sunny January Morning in Dawlish (Or Time and Tide)

The sun was out, the sky was blue (not a cloud to spoil the view…) and Chris, Bobbie and I couldn’t resist going for a walk to Coryton Cove at the end of the sea wall, even though Bobbie didn’t have much time before having to catch her train back to London. We weren’t the only ones with the same idea – practically all of the inhabitants of Dawlish (and Devon) were out and about, which made it a rather sociable walk.

Firstly, we met my Aunty Lee, who was returning from Coryton Cove. I hadn’t seen her for months so we had to stop and talk, and explain that Bobbie had a train to catch. Just as we had begun to move on I heard a man behind me.

“Isn’t that Sally?” he asked.

I turned around and saw a couple, familiar to me, but out of their usual environment.

“That is you, Sally – isn’t it?” the lady stepped forward.

“Hello,” I said smiling, “It’s Pat Rowsell – isn’t it?”

“Nearly right, it’s Pam,” she corrected.

“And you are…” as I searched the man’s face the letter ‘C’ came into my head, “you are…Chris!”

“Cyril,” he laughed, “But you had the right letter.”

When last I saw the Rowsells, who still own the hardware store in Woodbury, East Devon, I was younger than Bobbie, our baby of the family.Thank goodness they still recognised me over three decades later! They looked exactly the same except for their grey hair. I would have liked to stay chatting for longer but, conscious of the limited time before Bobbie’s train, we made tracks.

We hadn’t gone far before a pretty young blonde stopped pushing her pram.

“Hello Sally!” she said.

“Hello Olivia,” I kissed her and peeked in the pram.

We all stood around the pram and admired five-month old Louis.

At the age of nine Olivia had become my first private art student; I taught her until she left school and went on to art college. Later she became quite a good sculptor and now she is a mother aswell. Coincidentally, I was thinking about Olivia only yesterday when I saw photographs of Louis on Facebook. And Bobbie and I had chatted about Olivia and the days when I had little art students. Now Bobbie – daughter, accomplished artist and ex-student of mine (no babies yet) – has started to give art lessons. And it’s over thirty years since I saw the Rowsells…

Don’t worry, Bobbie made to the station in plenty of time and will be home by now.

 

And, for your interest, I found this interesting snippet about “Time and Tide” in The Phrase Finder:-


Time and tide wait for no man

Meaning

No one is so powerful that they can stop the march of time.

Origin

The origin is uncertain, although it’s clear that the phrase is ancient and that it predates modern English. The earliest known record is from St. Marher, 1225:

“And te tide and te time þat tu iboren were, schal beon iblescet.”

A version in modern English – “the tide abides for, tarrieth for no man, stays no man, tide nor time tarrieth no man” evolved into the present day version.

time and tide wait for no manThe notion of ‘tide’ being beyond man’s control brings up images of the King Canute story. He demonstrated to his courtiers the limits of a king’s power by failing to make the sea obey his command. That literal interpretation of ‘tide’ in ‘time and tide’ is what is now usually understood, but wasn’t what was meant in the original version of the expression. ‘Tide’ didn’t refer to the contemporary meaning of the word, that is, the rising and falling of the sea, but to a period of time. When this phrase was coined tide meant a season, or a time, or a while. The word is still with us in that sense in ‘good tidings’, which refers to a good event or occasion and whitsuntide, noontide etc.

 

 

The Chicken Wants a Book (A Joke)

Once again, this comes courtesy of Roland…

 

“Book, book, book”, says a chicken walking into a library.

 “Strange,” says the librarian to himself, “this chicken must want a book.”

 Now he doesn’t normally hand out books to chickens but, under normal circumstances he doesn’t get chickens coming in and asking for books. The librarian decides this is an exceptional case and hands the chicken a book from the best-seller category. The chicken takes a cursory glance  at the cover, then accepts the book in its beak; seemingly rather pleased with itself, the chicken struts out the door.

 Several minutes later the chicken comes back into the library.

 “Book, book , book,” it says sheepishly (although it is a chicken, as you know).

 Again the bemused librarian hands over another book, this time in a different genre. The chicken takes the romantic novel and leaves.

 Five minutes pass and, yet again, the chicken walks back  through the door.

 “Book, book, book,” says the chicken, by now quite cock sure.

 “Ah, perhaps you don’t like chick lit,” says the librarian. “I don’t blame you. How about a detective novel?”

 “Book, book,” says the chicken with a nod of the head that made its red comb shake.

 “Try this one,” says the librarian popping an Agatha Christie novel under the bird’s beak.

 But this time the librarian elects to follow the chicken as it goes outside.

He tails the nerdy chicken down the pavement and watches the chicken cross the road. On the other side is a pond. The chicken drops the whodunit onto a lily pad where a big green frog is waiting.

 The frog eagerly accepts the literary offering, looks at it and, as he puts it on the pile he says, “Readit, readit, readit…!”

Artists at Work

Our beautiful daughter Bobbie is home from London for the weekend. Not only is she an up and coming artist but also an art teacher. Her young cousins loved having a lesson with Bobbie this afternoon and they didn’t mind me taking a few photographs. It looks as though there are going to be another couple of artists in the family, or maybe models?

Posted in Art

Rock, Rolling Drunk (A Joke)

Thanks for this new joke go to Roly (from Brisbane).

 

The Drunkard Wants a Drink

A drunk nearly fell in through the doorway of an Aussie pub. Swaying and holding on to tabletops and chairbacks for support, he made his way up to the bar.

“I’ll have a… a… cold pint a lager…pleash,” he slurred.

“Nah, sorry mate, but I’m not going to serve you,” said the barman in a matter-of-fact manner.

“Aw, why’s that?” the drunk tried hard not to be distracted by the corks dangling from his hat.

“Because you’re drunk mate. Now you just go on out through the door and come back another day,” the barman said kindly.

“I’m not drunk…” the drunk steadied himself at the bar.

“Yes you are. Now go on out through that door.”

“If… if… hic…. you inshist,” the drunk turned, and teetering, stumbled his way to the door.

The drunk opened the door, turned to his right, and staggered along the pavement. He found a pub door and opened it. For a few moments he stopped to disentangle one of the strings to his vest, which had caught on the handle, and he rocked from side to side as made his way to the bar.

“Give me a pint a lager pleash,” he said to the barman.

“You’ve got to be joking mate! I’m not serving you,” answered the barman.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re drunk, and we don’t serve drunks,” said the barman firmly.

“Aw, go on… pleash mate. I’m not drunk,” the drunk leaned forward putting his forearm on the bar and the corks on his hat made circles, which he followed with his eyes, independently.

“Now be a good mate and go out through that door before we have any trouble,” said the barman in a tone that would brook no argument.

The drunk clicked his teeth (those that he had left) and followed the barman’s advice. Eventually, he made it to the door and went out onto the pavement. This time he turned left and, rocking and swaying, he staggered along the pavement until he came to a pub door. He went inside and made his way up to the bar where he met the barman.

“Hey,” said the drunk, “how many pubs do you work in?”

 

Do Animals Go To Heaven?

“Do you think that animals go to Heaven?” asked a friend of mine.

“No,” I replied.

“Why not? If there is a Heaven and God, why wouldn’t He allow animals into Heaven?” he challenged.

“Because animals don’t have conscious thought,” I answered meekly and without much conscious thought as I had never before had the question put to me.

This snippet of a longer conversation took place many moons ago when I was about twenty-two. As you can guess, my friend, who was an atheist, was trying to make me see how ridiculous I was to have any doubt about the existence  – or rather the non-existence – of God.

In the ensuing years I have often thought about the gist of that conversation and have had cause to reconsider the idea of ‘conscious thought’ as being the main difference between humans and animals. Quite a deal of ‘conscious thought’ went on during my last night of farm-sitting, and I can tell you that most of it came from the characterful, considerate, understanding, loving and beautiful dogs in my care…

Coming down in favour of a good night’s sleep instead of another night of love, I said goodnight to the four lovely girl dogs in the kitchen and shut my bedroom doors behind me before getting into my sumptuous four-poster bed. “I shall sleep well tonight,” I thought, as I closed my eyes. No sooner had I enjoyed that thought than the door was pushed open by Inca. I put on the light to be sure.

“Not tonight Inca,” I said and I took her out to her basket. “Now you be good and stay here with Malachi, Jas and Sasha.”

Perhaps twenty minutes had elapsed when I was awakened by the sound of paws on the door, and again, a bigger push – and Inca was in. I didn’t have the heart to turn her away again but I got up and almost closed the door – leaving it just a crack open – to let the others know that it was not going to be a free for all night. Inca claimed her prized spot (the full half of the bed to my right) and we slept soundly for a couple of hours. Jas waddled in – she needed the air – and everyone, including ‘Horsey’ (Hunter) the cat and I, took the air. We all went back to our respective beds.

Some hours later (I didn’t ascertain the time) dear Malachi, like a responsible older sister, entered with little Sasha (the tiny white fluffy one). Sasha ran over to the bedside and reached her paws up to me. Malachi stayed by the door and looked on, as if to say, “I don’t mean to intrude – I shan’t be staying myself – but I think it only fair that Sasha have a turn sleeping with you. If you don’t mind, that is…”

“Okay, Malachi,” I said. “Come on Sasha!” And I picked her up and brought her onto the bed.

Inca relinquished her position without being asked and went back into the kitchen.

Sasha moved her small body, one way then another, under my hand so that I would always stroke the place she like best at any given moment; and her sweet notes of pleasure filled me with love for the little creature. I went to sleep feeling the softness of her tongue licking my hand.

Naturally, Inca couldn’t bear to be away too long and she found her way back in to the end of the bed. At dawn Inca began licking Sasha and Sasha returned the good morning kiss. At last Inca snuck in-between Sasha and me – no hard feelings from the tiny one who had had her blissful sleep.

Now if anyone asked me, “Do you think that animals go to Heaven?”, I would have to ask, “Why not?”

 

According to an article in “The Real Truth” there are many distinctive characteristics that set humans apart from animals; some of these characteristics (which I would question) are listed below:

Self-consciousness: Beyond a simple recognition of self (as seen in a few animals), man can step back and become a spectator, critic or admirer of the world around him.

Understanding time: Animals are only able to relate time to themselves; they have no ability of relating time to third parties.

Connections between words: While animals can understand simple words or tones, they do not comprehend syntax or communicate in complex sentences.

A sense of morality: Animals always take the path of least resistance. They do not have a conscience or sense of right and wrong.

Free moral agency:  Animals react through instinct—programming.

Capacity for wisdom: Without the ability to place themselves in time, animals are unable to weigh situations with previous experiences. While animals are able to develop behavioral patterns based on positive or negative stimulation, they are completely unable to analyze actions before they are performed. This ability, known as wisdom, is unique to human beings.

Love: While some animals form lifelong relationships for the purpose of reproduction, none exhibit a parallel with the human characteristics of love, in which a couple shares experiences, goals, dreams, hopes and aspirations.

 

 

A Niece Surprise – Photographs of Baby Rosie

Darling Rosie wasn’t very well when Liz brought her in to see me a little earlier today. I held her in my arms, rocking her whilst patting her bottom, and she stopped crying and dozed. Almost every time I stopped patting, in order to grab my mobile for a photo opportunity (thought you might like to see how she’s grown), she opened her eyes and pulled a face; Rosie really likes having her bottom patted and hates having her photograph taken! Nevertheless, I managed to take these. Doesn’t Liz look pretty in her hat?

The Canal Painting Needs a Swan

It was back to the easel for me today after my farming weekend. I have reached the point where I’m considering when to call the painting finished (which can go on for days) so tomorrow will be my self-imposed deadline. Do you agree that a swan would grace the painting? And perhaps a few reeds in the foreground?

Posted in Art

On MacDonald’s Farm Everyone is “Lovin’ it!”

“It” is goat food. Everyone is crazy for it.

Inca and Malachi look up at me expectantly when I lift the lid on the goat food bin – they hope a few morsels will fall onto the floor when I scoop out the delicious muesli-type mix. Not only does it look good, it smells good.The full scoop goes onto the wheelbarrow, along with vegetable scraps and an armful of fresh hay, and the three goats watch as I wheel it over to them. Also on the alert are the chickens, which race over to the goat pen, usually before me; they anticipate the greedy goats will squabble over the feast, which invariably they do, and groats and grains come flying out of the pan; and the chooks and the dogs are there to oblige with cleaning up operations. Even the nasty cockerel that chases me likes goat food – he goes inside with the goats, in the hope of fairing better than the better mannered hens.

I’m convinced that Harry the pig, aswell, would love goat food but he has his own pellets and vegetables so he hasn’t tried the feast yet (to my knowledge).

llamas and alpacas love goat food even more than their special pellets (they have run low and goat food is more than acceptable!). Furthermore, they adore me for bringing it out to them. Where once they were a little shy of the newcomer to the farm, now they line up by the fence and flutter their long lashes at me; and as soon as they see the goat food they move in, sometimes ignoring the pecking order. Incidentally, these pretty animals have velvety soft mouths, and although their teeth are rather large, they never bite.

Even the little sheep that was thought to be dead three days ago – her left eye pecked at by birds while she lay on her side in the field – even she loves goat food. Happily, she is making a good recovery and ate the goat food with great gusto at breakfast-time this morning.

It appears that the only one on the farm, apart from me, not interested in goat food is Horsey, who is, of course, a cat.