Messing About on the … Harbour

The Sunday ride to Cockwood was somewhat deflating. As you may know, it’s incredibly tiring for both the rider (me) and the pumper (Chris the stalwart) when your bike has a tyre with a faulty valve; it is a case of pump, pump, pump, then ride as fast as you can for as long as you can (until your bottom can feel every tiny stone and you begin to worry about the rims of the wheels); then all over again pump, pump, pump – and dash, dash, dash – and walk, walk, walk (up the steep hills) and so on.

It’s amazing what a difference a new inner tyre with new valve (they are integral nowadays) makes; I felt like I was riding on air, which I was at last, after months of making do with a gradually increasing emission of air from my rear tyre. Eurphoric to realise that my usual fitness had not all but deserted me, I rode like an athlete (albeit a ‘ride for fun’ style of athlete) and in next to no time we had ridden to Cockwood Harbour.

To top it off the tide was in and the sun came out to welcome us, and the members of Cockwood Boat Club were out in force (well, there were four of them). One gentleman had made it out on a tender to his fine-looking catamaran and another chap paddled over in his rowing boat to a larger boat, which was moored close to the edge of the harbour wall above which Chris and I had parked our bikes and were walking.

“Is this your boat?”I asked as the man stepped on board.

“No, it’s for sale. I’m just inspecting it,” he replied with a smile (it seems that most boating people are friendly and happy to talk about boats).

“How much is it?”

“One thousand two hundred pounds,” he came back.

At that moment another small rowing boat, bearing two men, came onto the scene;a man with a cap rowed to one of the many sets of steps on the harbour wall and the two got out and sat on the railings at the roadside where they opened a flask.

“I hope you don’t mind that I took photographs of you coming in,” I said, “But you looked so picturesque.”

“No, we don’t mind,” the man in the cap looked at me with a smile of recognition, “you took some photos of me before…”

“That’s right,” I remembered him too (although he appeared quite different in his cap and high green waders), “I still have the photographs – you were picturesque then too”.

“Why don’t you buy a boat yourself?” asked the friend of the man with the cap and he pointed to the boat that was for sale. “That’s a lovely Orkney Long-Liner!”

“An Orkney Long-Liner? I’m not in the market for a big boat. (A rowing boat is more the ticket!) I wonder if the owner would take less than twelve hundred pounds for it,” I pondered.

“One thousand – without the outboard motor,” his eyes twinkled with glee.

“How do you know? (he chuckled) Is it your boat?”

“One thousand two hundred with the engine,” he continued to chuckle.

“I suppose it’s expensive to moor a boat in the harbour?” I queried.

The two friends looked at each other and laughed.

“Twenty-two pounds a year,” they agreed.

“Wow, that’s cheap,” I looked at Chris.

Chris smiled in his quiet negative way and said nothing.

“You can have my boat for one hundred and seventy-five pounds,” Den said (he’s the man in the cap).

“I could afford that! I could go fishing in it,” I turned to Chris who was still smiling negatively.

“Or, you could join the club for ten pounds a year and take out the club tender for a bit of fishing – there are plenty of eels and the mackerel come right in here” suggested Alec (the man without a cap).

“I could sell them to the pubs,” I had it all planned out in two seconds flat.

“But,” said Den, “if you take the tender out you have to bring it back whenever club members need it to take them to their boats…”

As you can tell, readers, this all needs some consideration. For now I’m going to settle for joining the Cockwood Boat Club – the man who inspected the Orkney Long-Liner came along and he just so happens to be the Vice Lord Admiral (or something like that) of the club. The forms will reach me in a few days and my membership will begin in January. I can hardly wait till next year to go fishing in the harbour with Chris (apparently he can be my guest). It is my hope that the other members will be equipped with their own tenders by then (Den could sell someone his) so that I’ll have enough time to catch a few nice flat-fish such as plaice.

Oh, speaking of flat-fish, that reminds me, the tyre stayed up and I’m buoyant about it!

 

And here are the words to Messing About on the River, written by Tony hatch.

 

When the weather is fine then you know it’s a sign
For messing about on the river.
If you take my advice there’s nothing so nice
As messing about on the river.
There are long boats and short boats and all kinds of craft,
And cruisers and keel boats and some with no draught.
So take off your coat and hop in a boat 
Go messing about on the river. 

There are boats made from kits that reach you in bits
For messing about on the river.
Or you might want to skull in a glass-fibred hull.
Just messing about on the river.
There are tillers and rudders and anchors and cleats,
And ropes that are sometimes referred to as sheets.
With the wind in your face there’s no finer place,
Than messing about on the river. 

There are skippers and mates and rowing club eights
Just messing about on the river.
There are pontoons and trots and all sorts of knots
For messing about on the river.
With inboards and outboards and dinghies you sail.
The first thing you learn is the right way to bail.
In a one-seat canoe you’re the skipper and crew,
Just messing about on the river. 

There are bridges and locks and moorings and docks
When messing about on the river.
There’s a whirlpool and weir that you mustn’t go near
When messing about on the river.
There are backwater places all hidden from view,
And quaint little islands just awaiting for you.
So I’ll leave you right now to cast off your bow,
Go messing about on the river.

 

Through the Bedroom Window

Of course I mean the view from our bedroom window, curtains drawn back to greet the morning, and nothing but sea before us; if you peeped your head around from the other side you would see Chris and me sat in bed, and enjoying our cups of tea. Well, there’s not always nothing but sea, sometimes a passing fishing boat catches our attention; or canoeists, or sailing boats that come in close to shore.

On this grey, misty morning a relatively large vessel, accompanied by a smaller boat, chugged into view and lingered in the patch of sea right in front of our window; we wondered what they were doing. At first I thought they were fishermen. I rushed upstairs and grabbed my Canon camera with the telephoto lens. The best of the shots are below.

Diagnosis Dodgy

Not “off the cuff” today, more like “off the bicycle-clips”. Thanks Roland.
An elderly man went to see his doctor.
Elderly man: “Doctor I have a pain in my left leg”
Doctor: “Well let me look at it for you and we’ll see what seems to be the trouble, hmm… I think I know what the trouble is, just as I thought – just part of growing old!”
Elderly man: [in a raised voice] “Can’t be doctor! Just can’t be!”
Doctor: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that is what’s wrong with it, are you questioning my diagnosis?”
Elderly man: “But doctor, there’s nothing wrong with my other leg and it’s exactly the same age!”

Dying for a Nice Cup of Tea

My younger brother Henry called me from Australia this morning (two of my lovely brothers live in Brisbane). The conversation went something like this…

“I made a nice egg jaffle for myself a little while ago,” began Henbone (that’s his family nickname).

“Umm… Sounds good. So you still have your jaffle irons?”

“Don’t you?” Hen was surprised.

“No, we just have a sandwich-maker but we never use it because I’m always on a diet…”

“Never mind,” Hen said sympathetically, “but let me tell you what happened. I had made this delicious-looking jaffle – it was all golden brown, crisp and done to perfection, if I do say so myself (Henry lives on his own as present) – and I had made a steaming hot cup of tea to have with it; both the tea and the jaffle were on the dining room table, and I was just about to begin my meal when I noticed that the kitchen tap was dripping. In the few moments it took for me to walk over to the tap and turn it off something most peculiar happened…”

“A cat had come in and started to eat your jaffle?”

“No,” Henry laughed, “that would have been preferable.”

“A dog?”

“No,” he derided, “nothing nearly as nice as a dog or cat.”

“A gecko or a possom?” my mind raced to other creatures. (Surely a nasty snake would not want to snaffle an egg jaffle!)

“Well,” Henry continued (seeing that I couldn’t possibly guess), “you know those flying cockroaches can get extremely big? This one was the biggest cockroach/beetle type of insect I have ever seen – nearly as big as the circumference of my cup – and there it was… It looked as though a bomb had hit the table. Tea everywhere, all over the table and even over my jaffle! As soon as my back was turned the giant cockroach had obviously kamikazed, from a great height, and with great force, straight into my cup of tea.”

“He was dead then?”

“If the impact hadn’t killed him the scalding hot tea would have finished him off, he was floating on the remaining two-thirds of tea in the cup,” my brother confirmed.

“You didn’t feel like giving him mouth to mouth resuscitation?” I alluded to the time that Henry had brought a drowned child back to life.

“Not this time Sally, I threw his big ugly body out onto the garden.”

“And did you eat your jaffle?”

“No, it was sodden and unappetizing, besides, I was put off. But I made another cup of tea – I was still dying for one.”

Here are some photographs of kamikaze-style cockroaches and others – with thanks to the cockroach lovers who took the original photos.

 

Two Little Jokes Off the Cuff

Roland (alias Birdman of Brisbane) keeps a few jokes up his sleeve; luckily, his shirts are well laundered so the gags are always nice and clean, and never too near the knuckle. Over the phone this morning I casually asked if he had any fresh jokes for me and, straight off the cuff, he replied:

“Should married couples be frank and earnest? Or should one be a woman?”

and…

“Do babies really come from storks [not to be confused with stalks]? Or is it just a load of poppycock?”

~~~~~~~~~

Incidentally, I much prefer the English interpretation of the word “poppycock” to the Dutch origin (according to online Merriam-Webster):

Origin of POPPYCOCK

Dutch dialect pappekak, literally, soft dung, from Dutch pappap + kak dung

First Known Use: 1865

 

For those of you with an avid interest in etymology (and Charlie Chaplin clips) I have pasted an interesting article that I found on Language Blog about the origins of the expression “Off the cuff”.

The “off the cuff” mystery

The other day, someone asked me about the origins of the phrase “off the cuff”. I’ve always assumed that it had something to do with the old practice of writing informal notes on men’s detachable (and disposable) cuffs. And the OED’s entry agrees, glossing it as

off the cuff (as if from notes made on the shirt-cuff) orig. U.S., extempore, on the spur of the moment, unrehearsed

But as far as I know, the practice of wearing detachable (and sometimes disposable) cuffs ended by the time of the first world war or even before, while the OED’s earliest citation for this idiom is from 1938:

1938 New York Panorama (Federal Writers’ Project, N.Y.) vi. 157   Double talk is created by mixing plausible-sounding gibberish into ordinary conversation, the speaker keeping a straight face or dead pan and enumerating casually or off the cuff.
1941 Time (Air Exp. Ed.) 4 Aug. 1/1   Talking off the cuff to a group of civilian-defense volunteers he made them a little homily.
1944 Penguin New Writing XX. 130   In that scene, shot off the cuff in a shockingly bad light, there leapt out of the screen..something of the real human guts and dignity.
1948 Economist 3 July 17/2   Mr. Truman’s off-the-cuff comment.


So I figured that the OED just hadn’t researched the idiom adequately. But a fairly extensive search through various online archives only antedated the OED’s citation by two years, to 1936:

The Google Ngrams plot shows origin in the 1930s, and adoption between 1945 and 1960:

My searches also informed me that the early uses of the phrase included not only that improvised-movie-making sense, but also the sense of alerting others to a random event, or perhaps enumerating a diverse list of events, presumably from notes jotting on one of those cuffs. Thus in November of 1942, Billboard began a regular column listing random events, under the heading “Off The Cuff”. Here are (what I think are) the first two:

Here’s some information about those disposable paper shirt cuffs, from Giles Slade, Made to Break: Technology and Obsolescence in America, 2007:

What has been called “disposable culture” or “the throwaway ethic” began in America around the middle of the nineteenth century when a variety of cheap materials became available to industry. Innovations in the machinery of paper production, for example, made paper a practical substitute for cloth. The millions of paper shirt fronts (bosoms, as they were called), as well as the collars and cuffs that adorned nineteenth-century American men, owed their commercial success to this technological advance.

The beauty of these disposable products, as far as paper manufacturers were concerned, was that demand for them seemed endless. In 1872 America produced 150 million disposable shirt collars and cuffs. Men found paper clothing parts convenient because laundry services in those days were unreliable, expensive, and available mainly in large urban centers. America was still predominantly a rural culture, and before the advent of modern washing machines in the twentieth centruy, laundry was an onerous, labor-intensive task undertaken by women once weekly on Blue Tuesday. Single men simpy lacked access to professional or spousal laundry services. They bought replaceable shirt parts in bulk and changed into them whenever the most visible parts of their attire became stained or discolored.

And all the evidence that I can find suggests that the fad for disposable paper cuffs ended well before 1900. Thus “History Lesson: Glen Paper Collar Co. owners were inventors first“, The Saratogian 8/24/2009:

During the 1870s, a peculiar clothing fad swept the country. Disposable cotton-based paper collars were introduced to the upper classes as a way of maintaining a fresh, white collar rather than attempting to clean soiled cloth collars.

Some of the first paper collars in the country were manufactured two miles north of Ballston by Lindley Murray Crane, a paper mill owner and holder of three patents. Henry Mann’s father also manufactured paper collar materials in nearby Factory Village for some years under the partnership of Mann & Laflin.

Medbery and Mann recognized the potential, and rented space at the Blue Mill to establish the Glen Paper Collar Co. In their first year, the partnership produced 9 million collars. Soon they occupied the entire building. In 1871, they built a five-story, 60-foot by 40-foot addition, reportedly constructed in 20 days. They rented the old Waverly Hall for use as a packing station and salesroom.

Shipments of collars increased. At its height in 1875, the factory was producing 21 million paper collars and 5 million paper cuffs annually employing 150 people, becoming one of the world’s biggest producers. […]

But the fad died out in the mid-1870s. In 1876 Medbery moved to Newburg,New York and became a member of the firm James A. Townsend & Co., manufacturers of writing papers.

This leaves us with four possibilities:

  1. Disposable paper cuffs remained in use, at least in certain groups, right up through 1950 or so;
  2. Movie directors, entertainment journalists, and politicians continued to write on their cuffs long after the cuffs ceased to be disposable;
  3. The expression “off the cuff” originated at some point around 1875, but managed to avoid appearing in print until 1936, and did not become common until the late 1940s, when the physical basis of the metaphor was long dead;
  4. The expression was born when the metaphor was already long dead.

My feeling is that (1) is implausible (2) is silly, (3) is unlikely, and (4) is weird.

So what happened?

Update — from W.W. Aulick, “The Theatre”,  The Gateway (“a magazine of the times”), May 1913:

“Pop” Flannery, of the City News, found fault with one of the stage reporters because he made a pencil note on his cuff. “Not a bit like it,” declared Mr. Flannery, “only a make-believe reporter makes notes on his cuff.”

Master James Murray, who looks after the Evening Journal at the Courts Building, hadn’t heard “Pop” Flannery’s remark. Mr. Murray told the manager of the Astor–just in a friendly sort of way y’understand–that it was too bad one of the stage reporters hadn’t been told to make a note or two on his cuff. “It would have been a realistic little touch, do you see?” pointed out Mr. Murray.

This suggests that in imagination or in reality, certain sorts of people continued to make notes on their cuffs long after the paper-cuffs fad had faded. Still, I rather doubt that this was a common real-world practice in the 1936-1950 period.

Update #2 — And, as Robert Coren points out in the comments, there’s this scene from Modern Times:

Given how popular Chaplin was, this might well explain why the concept and the associated idiom rose to prominence in the ten or fifteen years after the movie was released.

In conclusion, as I’ve learned from the comments, detachable cuffs were used as note pads even when they were not disposable; and the practice of starching the cuffs of (white) shirts apparently made them suitable for note-taking even when the cuffs were not detachable. This helps us to bridge the half-century gap between the end of the disposable-cuff fad and the rise of the “off-the-cuff” idiom. Still, the idiom grew in popularity at a time (the late 1940s) when the actual practice of writing notes on cuffs must have been nearly dead, at best a memory for older members of the American population — or, perhaps more likely, an image from that Charlie Chaplin movie.

Cyggie Talk – Way Down Upon the Swannee River

“Snort, snort, snort, grunt, grunt, hiss, snort”, three large cygnets, willed on lovingly by their mother, sang in unison from the middle of the Teign River (where it passes the Passage House Inn – at Newton Abbot – where, coincidentally, Chris chose to park by the river in order to read my blog posts to Mum, as he does every Saturday morning when we take Mum shopping.)

Translated from swan language, the final verse to a traditional swan song, followed by a conversation went something like this…

“When will I see de bees a-humming, All round de comb? When will I hear de banjo strumming, Down in my good old home?” the cygnets sang and their mother hissed her praise.

“Oh, Mama,” snorted the smallest cygnet who was also the brightest, “what’s de banjo?”

“De banjo,” their mama began grunting her explanation between snorts of laughter, “is a stringed instrument for strumming tunes like de one you were just hissing. It so funny, I thought you was going to ask what ‘de comb’ means, not de banjo!”

“Mama, I already know what de comb is. It be the funny looking red bit on de top of de chicken’s head – I wouldn’t want no bees a-humming aroun’ it if I were a chicken,” the little one rolled his eyes amusingly.

“All de world am dark and dreary today, Mama, ain’t it?” the eldest cygnet grunted his rhetorical question and he gave a wink to show that it was a joke – it was a cloudy day.

The mother swan arched her beautiful white neck back with pride and snorted like a drain.

“De pen is mightier than de sword!” hissed the third cygnet, knowing that her mother would not be able to stop snorting (she had an uncontrollable and peculiar snort – three short blasts and two long – that was rather comic and which endeared her to those around her).

“Ma, look over dare,” came a faint hissper from the youngest, “dat lady is taking photo’s of us with her mobile phone.”

“Can’t we ebber get no peace on dis ribber? Listen, dis is what we’ll do…” hisspered Penny and they huddled together, and their four long necks made two big hearts (one a little lopsided).

The mother and cygnets left their huddle and swam in an arrow, mother at the helm, towards me.

“Oh dear,” I thought, “they think I have food for them. Maybe they think my phone is a slice of pink cake or bread.” And, feeling guilty for any accidental deception, I made a run for it.

Back in the car I noted that they continued on their way to the same spot where I had been standing and they stayed there, necks peering over the grassy river bank to stare at me accusingly, for at least a minute or two. At last the penn led her little bevy away from the bank. I thought I heard her hiss and grunt:

“She’ll bring us some bread next time, my dears. Way down upon de Swanee Ribber…”

 

 

The Best Piano Tuner in the World

All my three brothers are handsome and clever but, according to our mum, Robert (her youngest – “Golden hairs”) has an extra string to his bow – “He is the best piano tuner in the world!” she tells everyone. You might assume that our mother is rather biased, however, the other day a phone call from far away (on the continent) seemed to support her opinion; I imagine the conversation went something like this….

– “Herr Robert Porch?”

– “Ya, I mean yes. This is Robert Porch. How may I help you?” (My little brother is very well mannered.)

– “Well, zis is Herr Klavier. I understand zat you are one our select team of tuners in Great Britain?”

– “That’s right, ya. Yes.”

– “Ze best in ze vorld, ya?”

– “It’s not for me to say -”

– “Zat’s alright, I haff it here in black and vhite. Now let me see….”

– “In black and white? It says that? Really?”

– “Ya, ya, I haff in mein hand ze piece of paper. Alzo, it says ‘Robert looks very goot in uniform’; you are a fireman as well – no?”

– “Vould you happen to be holding a letter from my mother?

– “Ya, ya! It’s very goot – your mama’s words really ‘struck a chord’, as we say at our remarkable piano company (real name withheld due to modesty on the part of the said company). She has all her ‘marbles’, zo she says. In my country we haff a lot of respect  for ze elderly mit the murmelm – marbles. Anyvay, Hrodebert, tomorrow vould you be able to make it to Falmouth in Cornvall to tune ze marvellous piano on ze sailink ship, ze Sea Cloud 11? I hope you don’t get ze sea-sickness.”

And so it was that Herr Hrodebert Porch of Dawlish went all the way down to Cornwall to tune a grand piano on-board a luxury cruise sailing vessel called the Sea Cloud 11; Frau Fiona accompanied him and they made a nice day of it. No doubt the captain was thrilled, also the pianist and the elite passengers (maximum ninety-four – in number, not age!); not to mention our Mum who knows for a fact that her youngest son is the best piano tuner in the world.

And on a note of interest….

The name Robert is a Germanic given name, from Old High German Hrodebert “bright with glory” (a compound of hruod “fame, glory” and berht “bright”). It is also in use as a surname.[1][2]

After becoming widely used in Continental Europe it entered England in its Old French form Robert, where an Old English cognate form (HrēodbēorhtHrodberhtHrēodbēorðHrœdbœrðHrœdberð) had existed before the Norman Conquest

My Body Says…

My body says:

“Thanks for losing those five pounds but that’s quite enough. Now that we’re slim why can’t we eat banana cake?”

My voluptuous body is deluded, of course; it thinks we live in Tonga.

After two weeks of “plateau” – neither up nor down despite the rigors of Dr Dukan’s protein diet (no fruit) – I decided to “take the bull by the horns” and last evening Ma Homet (or Porch, in this case) went up to the mountain, the mountain being the long steep hill up Sandy Lane to the Leisure Centre. The Leisure Centre is something of a misnomer – far from being a place to enjoy one’s leisure (time when one is not working or occupied; free time, spare time, spare moments, time to spare, idle hours, time offfreedomholidayrespitereliefease,peacequietrecreationrelaxation, inact-ivity, amusement, entertainmentpleasure,diversiondistractionfun, games, fun and games), it is the hub of arduous activity.

Take last night for example, I dragged my recalcitrant body along for what I thought was to be an hour of gentle Pilates; imagine the nasty shock when the receptionist informed, “That’s Thursday, Wednesday is ‘Bums, Tums and Thighs’ night” (the most vigorous of exercise classes bar circuit training). The instructress, thrilled to see a newcomer, came over immediately for a signature – she liked to keep track of her numbers. Without a sports bra, the “Keep it low if you prefer” option was heeded. The youngest member of the class, a twenty-year-old with a lovely bottom, goose-stepped rather than marched during lulls and I’ve taken that on board for future reference.

After an hour of constant bending, skipping, and jumping (albeit ‘low’) my body, rather than feeling enervated and sapped, was surprisingly stimulated; so much so that I had a sudden urge to enter the gym and spend twenty-five minutes on a cross-country machine at “Fat Burner” setting. The machine took a dictatorial stance and kept announcing in red lights “Slow down, the machine will adjust for heart rate reduction” (or something like that). My body said, “Nanny state!”

This morning Chris and I went for a lovely bike ride to Cockwood (after he fixed my flat tire); the tide was out – one of the old boating men of Cockwood said, “It was full a minute ago but someone pulled the plug. If you wait a while it’ll be back in…” But we didn’t stay because I was eager to get back to the Leisure Centre and –  who knows?- nice Brian might be there to make it a little less boring.

It was a bit boring on the cross-country machine (at ‘Fat Burner’ setting) and even on the rowing machine at I don’t know what setting (because I didn’t have my glasses) – everyone was too busy to chat. On the big screen girl singers, who all sounded the same to me, provided the necessary beat for regular exercise (glad it wasn’t River Dance or the machine would have gone into overdrive with warnings and red lights!) whilst I preferred to look out through the glass walls at the green fields and the sea in the distance. And then I went for a swim to cool down. Funny how fast some of those old people can swim, even in the slow lane.

What a surprise when I came out from the changing room – Brian was at reception.

“Want a piece of banana cake?” he tempted, “I cooked it myself!”

“Just a small bite because I’m on a diet and health kick,” I helped myself.

The cake was light, not too sweet and delicious. (Brian is an excellent baker – perhaps he’s in training for the “Great British Bake-off”.)

My starved and tired body said:

“Thank you!”

And in a short while I shall mosey over to the Leisure Centre for some gentle Pilates…

A Peek in the Pram

A short while ago I had a visit from little Rosie, aged nine days. Is there anything more lovable than a newborn? Want to have a peek in her pram?

An Old-Fashioned Husband

Chris has brought me a nice cup of weak tea and he comes back to bed for our first chat of the day, as we always do. I have barely opened my eyes yet when my husband says:

“My ear is no better and I’ve been using that powder for a full week now.”

“Oh?” I sit up and peer at his ear, uselessly, as it happens because I don’t have my glasses on, and anyway, I’m slightly squeamish about studying other people’s ailments and blemishes. “Do you want me look at it?”

“No, it’s alright, I’ve seen it myself – inasmuch as anyone can see in their own ear – and I can feel that it is no better,” Chris answers, perhaps sensing correctly that I’m not eager to make an examination.

“Are you sure that it is Athlete’s Foot’?” I inquire solicitously (like a good wife).

“No, of course it’s not ‘Athlete’s Foot!”

“Sorry, Athlete’s Ear,” I laugh (as wives do).

“Don’t be facetious, Sally. I wish I hadn’t mentioned it. But I thought it was a fungal infection, which, as you know, is why I’ve been using my old ‘Mycota Foot Powder'”, Chris says snootily.

He picks up the blue and white tin of Mycota (for Athlete’s Foot) and inspects it.

“When did you buy that?” I ask, “You haven’t had Athlete’s Foot in all the years I’ve known you – or didn’t you like to tell me about it?”

“Why would I try to hide it? No, it was years ago…”

“Well we’ve been together for seventeen years now,” I remind him.

“Perhaps the powder is out of date,” Chris searches the tin for a sell-by-date, “Oh, it was probably in the days before they had to have a sell-by-date. The price label is still on it… G.H. Powell, The High street, Caterham. Well I’ll be blowed.”

“Didn’t you live in Caterham when you were really young?” I have my eyes wide open now.

“Yes, I was there in about nineteen seventy one!”

We often have funny conversations in bed. And here is a photograph of the old Mycota tin that was purchased for a nasty bout of Athlete’s Foot over forty years ago.