Once again I have a joke from Roland… does he make them up? All I can say is that I hope he keeps them coming because my dear old Mum loves them!

The Unfaithful Wife and the Suspicious Husband

The suspicious husband had good grounds to be suspicious of his wife. After twenty long years of marriage there were certain little tell-tale signs of change afoot… There was the drastic diet, the gym workouts, the Botox and “Fillers” (at first the husband thought she meant Polyfiller), the car maintenance classes, “Sociology for Beginners”, also the “Let’s Learn Spanish”, “French” and “Italian” classes.

“I need to find myself!” the bored wife had declared, before going on a night out with the girls.

“So where can I find you maid?” asked the husband.

She flounced out without bothering to answer.

This sort of behaviour had been going on for a quite a time. At last, one evening, upon noticing how surprisingly pretty and well-dressed she was – considering the wife was going out for her ladies “Honiton Lace-making class” – the suspicious husband could contain himself no longer…

“You be seeing a man – baint you? Be honest maid.” (the husband, having being born and bred in Widdicombe-in-the-Moor, had a strong Devonshire accent) “Be it my friend Tom? I’ll bet it’s Tom. You always liked him.” (Not Tom Cobbly, I hasten to tell you.)

“Don’t be absurd!” the wife remarked in an uppity manner that she wouldn’t have used in the old days before her sociology classes (in the past she would have told him not to be mad).

“Well, if tiddn’ Tom” (if it isn’t tom), “Who be ee? Be ee my old friend Dick?”

“Dick? Your friend Dick from Widdecombe?” (not to be confused with Dick Whittington) sneered the now glamorous wife, “I wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole!”

“P’r’aps not, no,” the suspicious husband pondered, “what about my other good mate ‘arry?  Ee be a ladies’ man. ‘Ave you been ‘aving it off wi’ ‘Arry maid?”

“Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?” answered the incensed, and not uncensured, unfaithful wife.