At first I kept thinking about The Edge of Love, the film that Chris and I had just watched. It was such a dark film in all senses. What does the title mean? The edge of love? It was one of those films that, after a short while, I felt I might not like and considered switching off but stayed with because I hoped I was wrong. We had watched it to the bitter end and regretted sticking with it, not only because we could have seen something more uplifting, but also because we were left questioning the veracity of the premise on which the film was based. Was Dylan Thomas really so awful? Last night it bothered me and I could not sleep. And afterwards I could not sleep because I was thinking about trying to go to sleep.
The mattress on the bed in the room we are using at present (not our usual bedroom because it’s warmer upstairs) is not as comfortable as our normal bed; when one person turns over the mattress shakes like a jelly and the other person feels seasick! Hence, I tried desperately not to move, but when you try not to, the urge to do so is even greater. After my second visit to the bathroom I had the idea of going upstairs to sleep (our house is on four storeys) and, not wishing to disturb Chris from his slumbers, I stole up the stairs quietly.
The bed I chose was warm and as comfortable as a cloud; the only problem was that I could see the clouds – and the moon – through the Velux window in the ceiling! I tried to sleep but again I was troubled by thoughts, not about the film, but of ingenious ways to make ceiling curtains or blinds! After twenty minutes of physical comfort marred by moonshine (not the kind from Tennessee) I decided to go back downstairs – right the way downstairs to our regular (cold) bedroom. Half-way down the stairs I heard something. Movements. Footsteps? Coming up from the bottom? I waited a few moments… It was Chris.
“Where were you?” he asked, “I’ve been searching the house for you.”
“Upstairs. I couldn’t sleep.”
“Neither could I,” he said. For a moment I considered mentioning his snoring (one of those mysteries – how you can snore while you are awake) but there wasn’t any point because he never believes me.
“Sorry I kept waking you to talk about the film,” I apologised.
“That’s alright. Sorry if I breathed loudly. It wasn’t your fault that I couldn’t sleep, I just couldn’t get comfortable – I wanted to turn over your way but I knew it would keep you awake.”
So, at two o’clock this morning, we kissed goodnight on the stairs and Chris went one way and I went the other. And we each fell asleep within about five seconds. Happily, today I am not at all on edge, especially not on the edge of love – whatever that means!